Happy Birthday Baby Girl!

Mackenzie, 2 days old-The nurse held her hand up next to her so we could remember how small she was.


She got so mad when the nurses would mess with her!


My favorite picture of Mackenzie when she was in the hospital.


Look how tiny she was! Those booties were like knee high socks for her.

(An excerpt from my "Mackenzie memoirs"...)

I didn't quite know how to feel. First of all, the fact that our daughter's birthday was October 18 was all wrong. She wasn't supposed to be born until December 13. She was supposed to be our Christmas baby! We had only taken one birthing class, which had taken place the week before. Her nursery wasn't finished yet either. I am a mom now, and it's too early! My husband and I were supposed to have two more months to enjoy being alone together before she came. I just wanted to scream "WAIT!" and expect the world to stop. This wasn't supposed to happen like this.

The doctor put a drip into my IV after surgery that was supposed to keep me from having seizures due to the pre-eclampsia. Someone told me it felt like fire going through your veins. It wasn't quite that bad, but it did make me extremely sleepy, very disoriented, and quite warm. Due to these side effects I had to stay in bed for 24 hours before I could start walking or even hold my baby. They did wheel me into the NICU after my brief time in the recovery room; I vaguely remember this moment with my new baby.

24 hours later, the drip was stopped and the nurse propped me up. It was now time to see her. My husband wheeled me down to the NICU and into her room. How do I begin to describe this moment?



I didn't think that I would ever be able to look at her without crying. What most broke my heart was how skinny she was. She was this tiny, red baby in her "space capsule" as Daddy called it, and she looked miserable. She was on her tummy under the bililights because her bilirubin count was high. (My sister said she was under the tanning lights.) Her eyes were covered and her diaper was off. Now, that doesn't seem too terrible, right? Well, that wasn't all. She had wires sticking out all over her. In her arm, on her foot, on her chest. Monitors kept beeping and none of the nurses seemed concerned. They asked me if I would like to hold her and of course, I said yes. She was as light as a feather. I wasn't very experienced with babies, so I felt a little uncomfortable and handling her with all these wires didn't help matters. I think back to those first moments, me and my new baby, and I wish I could be wisked back there again. To cuddle her, kiss her, sing to her, talk to her. Unbeknownst to me, a tiny spark was created deep down inside me-that spark grew every time I saw her.
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None of these things made sense to me at the time, but God knew exactly what He was doing by bringing her early.

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. Psalm 139:16